proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
