i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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