Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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