Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My vagina is officially offended.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
