My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
