I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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