that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
