somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
