Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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