arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
