After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
