if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
