dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
