Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
