I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
