Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
what day is it and did you see me today?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
