Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
