So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
