why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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