alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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