My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
