That's intense
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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