i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
