Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He felt like a one man threesome
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
