I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
