Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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