Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
