I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
