Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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