I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
