Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
