Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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