Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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