the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
