whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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