Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
