O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
