thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
