i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I need a beard to bite.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
