She's JV to your varsity
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
