He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
