Your tits are I can't wait for
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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