Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
