I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
