he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
