): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
