so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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