I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
