Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
