Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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