He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
