I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
did i walk over a car last night?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
